Never Fast Enough (Open)

[Magicheart]

Wildfire sprinted though the grassy plains, streaking like an uncontrollable flame through the pale Windclan stems. She sprang forward, pushing as hard as she could off of her back legs and caught the rabbit between her paws. She delivered the kill-bite before pausing to catch her breath.

It seemed that no matter how hard she ran, it was never enough to get away from the haunting accusations that Storyteller made. Did she purposely push her clanmates away? Did they really admire her at all? "Nonsense." she panted. It was hard to tell what was true criticism from her mentor, and what the advice was from the shortcomings of his own life. "I should try to find him a mate." she murmured.

[.:Lion:.]

The smell of soil and windswept plains was as familiar as it had always been. The tang of rabbit lingered in the air, as well, coating the usual smells with a mouthwatering treat. Deathwing listened as he heard the pattering of paws - it was not an altogether unfamiliar sound. He had grown up in WindClan, and was astounded at times by their speed and agility. He himself was not quite built like a WindClanner, but he was lean and had long legs, so he could be just as fast. His claws were also overly large, giving him better traction on the smooth landscape. Even so, his stark black pelt did not always blend as it should. She had learned to keep to the shadows, to hide himself efficiently. It was not a trait that most WindClan cats were custom to learning, but he was not quite a normal WindClan cat. As he looked down a slight embankment, Deathwing noticed one of his Clanmates, Wildfire. She was saying something, but he couldn't hear her, so he just assumed she was thanking StarClan for the prey she had caught. He decided to approach her, his black fur rippling as he dashed down the hill.

"Hey, Wildfire," he meowed cheerfully, "Nice catch you have there!"

[Magicheart]

Wildfire started slightly as she heard one of her clanmates, then twitched her ears in recognition as a black shadow wove through the grass. She didn't know Deathwing too well, but she respected the fact that he came from a different background. She thought it made Windclan stronger to have more variety. "Thanks" she panted, scraping earth over her prey. "Are you out hunting too?"

A sudden breeze picked up, sweeping through the grassy stems. She closed her eyes, reveling in how dry grass sounded like rushing water as it brushed against neighboring plants. Her sides were beginning to rise and fall more slowly as she caught her breath.

[.:Lion:.]

Deathwing smiled slightly at the question. He knew there were plenty in the Clan that thought he wasted too much time "hunting", versus actually yielding results. But Deathwing enjoyed nothing more than wandering through the territory, perhaps hunting if the inclination was there. He was not always the most loyal of warriors, and his concern was not always where it should be. However, he took care of his friends, and if that meant sacrificing some alone time, he would join a hunting patrol. Deathwing found it difficult at times to hunt on the moorlands, where his bit claws would tear on hard rocks beneath the soil, and the fast prey would be just a little faster than he because of his bulk. Deathwing tended to focus on the negative, and he thought of himself as rather slow and clumsy. Even so, he enjoyed being outside, and he wanted his Clanmates to think he was doing something.

"Yes," he meowed cheerfully, "I'm on a lone patrol, so to speak." He said with no deception in his voice. What he had spoken was a half-truth, perhaps. He was on a lone patrol, but whether or not he would bring home prey was another question.

[Magicheart]

Wildfire nodded. "Me too." she sighed.

"Who was your mentor, Deathwing? Do you have a relationship with your mentor still?" she inquired, the question seemed to be out of her mouth before she even thought about asking it.

[.:Lion:.]

Deathwing inclined his head slightly, curious at the source of the question. It was an odd inquiry. Most cats did not pay Deathwing any attention, so they cared less who his mentor had been or even what his name was. It had been an open debate in the Clan whether or not he should be recognized at a Gathering with his adopted brother, Sablefrost. But in the end, Deathwing's adoptive father, Shallowstep, had convinced WindClan's leader to allow Deathwing a solid place in the Clan. It had been Shallowstep that had raised Deathwing and taught him the Clan ways.

"My adoptive father," he meowed at last with a fond smile, "Shallowstep taught me everything I know. If it weren't for him, who knows where I would be?" Deathwing thought of his father with some sadness. Shallowstep had been killed by a badger three moons earlier. It had been a hard blow for Deathwing and his adopted brother, but the pain would heal in time.

[Magicheart]

Wildfire nodded, sadness creeping into her eyes at how ignorant she was of most of her clanmates. "I'm sorry. He was a good warrior. He died bravely." Wildfire remembered the vigil, the disgust she felt with herself for not feeling more a sense of loss for her clanmates. The fear she still felt when seeing how love came with loss.

The young she-cat sighed, suddenly wishing she could be more like her own mentor. "My parents died when I was young. Storyteller was my mentor...he isn't my father...but he sure acts like it sometimes! I guess he's like your Shallowstep...adoptive." Wildfire angled her head, liking the way that sounded. Was it fear of losing him that was making her so testy?

"He's in the elder's den all by himself now," and he seems to be enjoying it! "but just because he's changed dens doesn't mean he needs to start acting like an elder, right? He's still got a lot of fight left in him." She glanced away, aware of how she seemed to be trying harder to convince herself of this than anyone else. I don't want him to get old. Going to the elder's den is just like admitting he wants to get old and die! A flame of anger flared in her chest, and she rose to her feet, suddenly feeling like running again.

[.:Lion:.]

Deathwing's steady gaze remained focused on Wildfire's face as she spoke. He studied the inflections of her voice, her expression, her movements, wondering why she seemed so upset about her mentor. She's worried about him. He concluded. Deathwing had never had a close relationship with any of the elders. They had been stubborn types, always thinking that he didn't deserve a place in the Clan because he had bad blood. But he had respected them, in the calm wise way that a mature Clan cat would.

"Perhaps he does have fight left," Deathwing meowed at last, "But he has served the Clan for many seasons. I think it may be time for him to feel at peace with his life. It's not a matter of losing identity as a warrior. An elder is no different than any other Clan cat. The fire that rages in our souls doesn't retire when we do. Storyteller has decided it is time for him to rest. But his heart will always be a part of the Clan, and that's what counts." Deathwing said, smiling slightly as he reflected on the teachings of his adoptive father.

[Magicheart]

Wildfire sighed again and sat down. She knew that her clanmate was right, but she was still having a hard time accepting it. "I know that he fought many dangerous battles and could have lost his life in any of those...but seeing him in the elders den now, it's like he really could die." She stared at her paws, wondering what she would do when Storyteller actually did die. Who would nag her to be a better cat? Who would tell her the truth about herself when no other cat knew what that was?

Wildfire glanced at Deathwing. I guess I would move on. Maybe no cat will know the truth after his death. She suddenly admired Deathwing for his resilience and quiet strength. "Maybe it's not so scary...to die. I have heard that cats become young again in Starclan. That they never lose their energy. That is how I will always see Storyteller. He deserves that...but when he's in the skies, it won't be the same. He'll never leave me, but he won't be here in the same way either." she concluded, gazing up at the fading light in the sky.

[.:Lion:.]

Deathwing glanced up at the sky, as well. His eyes looked a little sad, but then again, he was sad. Part of his heart had always wondered about his true parents. Why had they left him to die? Didn't they love him? Would he ever know them? Were they alive still, and if not, would they be looking down on him from the stars? The thoughts that surrounded his past were lonely ones, and Deathwing did not like to indulge himself in them for long. He turned back to Wildfire and gave her a soft smile.

"Death is sad, yes. There is nothing that can console a heart that has lost. But hope can always be given to those who will look for it. Even after your mentor has gone, he will look out for you, and one day you will meet him again. That is an encouraging thought, I feel. It is more than many cats can say, and perhaps that is the strength of our beliefs." He meowed, looking back up at the sky. He had gone through a time as an apprentice where he had seriously questioned the idea of ancestors looking down on him from above. But his adoptive father had said something once that he had taken to heart; "It's not about finding some comfort in the loss of our loved ones. It's not about wishing for something after death to give us courage to face our fates. It's about giving meaning to our lives. It's about searching for something beyond ourselves, and clinging to the hope that there is some greater purpose for us. That's what belief in StarClan is. That's what keeps our hearts strong."

[Magicheart]

Wildfire twitched her whiskers in thought. She grew up with the beliefs of Starclan, but she had always felt there were some missing pieces of the puzzle. She had accepted that she would probably never know the answers and have complete peace with the beliefs of her clan and let herself forget about worrying. Now that she was a warrior though, things were different. She would be seeing cats dying in battle, some of her own clanmates. Would she be much more disturbed then that she didn't feel she understood the complete truth?

Her past still felt so fuzzy. Why did she feel like she remembered being in Thunderclan when she was young? Why did she always come to their border when she needed to think? She shook her head. Her parents were Windclan, weren't they? There never seemed to be any question or deceit about her heritage. "Would you like to walk with me, Deathwing? Or hunt? Run?" she asked, surprised that she didn't feel the need to be alone like she usually did. Something about his silence and the fact that he seemed so trustworthy made her want to stay in his company.

[.:Lion:.]

Deathwing could see the wheels turning, he could sense the deep inner thought that was churning in the she-cat's head. He sat quiet, knowing that it was best to let Wildfire search her own heart to find the answers she sought. It was difficult, he knew, to come to grips with worry and nerves. But it could be done. Not, as many cats seemed to think, with the encouragement and advice of another wise cat - although that could be very helpful. In the end, the only way to find any finality was to find it on one's own.

"A walk would be nice," he meowed, "Honestly my stamina is not quite up to running for long periods of time." He added jokingly. It was true that he was faster than your average cat - he had to be to live on WindClan's turf. But it was also true he couldn't keep up with a true WindClan cat for long. Such was the cruel reality of his world.

[Magicheart]

Wildfire whirled her head over her shoulder with an amused smirk. "Very well. A walk it is then." she meowed. She rose to her paws and waited for Deathwing. "Which way?" she asked, instinctively walking her own way ahead to the north before he could answer. "Do you have any other family?" she asked, knowing that Deathwing was not born in the clan, but knowing little else.

[.:Lion:.]

Deathwing was about to suggest going towards Four Trees, but it seemed that Wildfire wanted to go that direction anyway. He nodded and padded to her side, keeping up with her easily since he had a longer stride. Her question caught him rather off guard. It wasn't a strange one, perhaps, but one that most cats would consider themselves too delicate to ask.

"No," he replied finally, "I was left on the moors as a young kit. I don't know who my parents were or where they came from." He meowed gravely. It was difficult at times, thinking that he had been unwanted by whoever had given birth to him. He had no idea if he'd really had siblings or if his father could have been half the cat Shallowstep had been. It was hard not knowing, but in the end, Deathwing was always content to have the life he lived now. He had to remind himself that knowing the answers to his questions would come at risk of leaving this life that he loved.

[Magicheart]

Wildfire blinked in sympathy. "It is interesting though, that you should have ended up in Windclan with the four territories so close to one another, don't you think?" She meowed. "I'm glad you ended up here. I wouldn't like to meet you in battle." Wildfire playfully nudged him with her shoulder. "You're like Storyteller. You look like a Thunderclan or Riverclan cat with those broad shoulders! Sure helps us in battle to have you though. Helps to balance out the rest of the clan when we're all more lithe and nimble."

[.:Lion:.]

Deathwing smiled at Wildfire's compliment. He usually felt rather odd being one of few cats built with strong shoulders. It was often considered a hindrance, since hunting on the moorlands was more difficult for him. But to hear that some cats appreciated his strength made him happy.

"Thanks," he meowed, "I'm glad I ended up here, too. I may not have WindClan heart, but it's my home and my Clanmates are my family." He smiled in a friendly way at Wildfire, glad that he could express his feelings on the subject to someone.

[Magicheart]

Wildfire paused for a moment. "I would like to believe that you can always choose where your heart will lie." she meowed, glancing at Deathwing out of the corner of her eye before continuing to walk. "Storyteller is determined to find me a mate, but I can't just go for any tom! Especially if I don't have any feelings for him. How unfair to him would that be? I think I'd be happier to see him with someone. Maybe he'd stop nagging me then!" she mrrrrowed half-heartedly. Why did she find herself opening up to Deathwing when she hadn't to anyone else before? Not anyone else...I opened up to Northstar, but part of that was feeling intimidation...

Wildfire tried shaking her head to clear it. How many more unexpected feelings would she find when she spent more time with her clanmates? She thought she had been spending her entire life with them! What was so new now?

[.:Lion:.]

Deathwing thought for a moment about Wildfire's words before replying. He considered her relationship with her mentor, and wondered if he was something of a father figure in her eyes. She obviously cared for his happiness. And vice versa.

"Well," Deathwing meowed, "I'm sure he would have the same view on a relationship as you do. And maybe what you have to communicate to him what you're feeling. There's nothing wrong with wanting to find someone you really love. It's commendable, really." Deathwing said with a kind smile.

[Magicheart]

Wildfire sighed and then let out a trill of laughter. "I'm not so great at knowing what I want or how I'm feeling. If I found a tom like that to match, we'd be a real pair." she meowed sarcastically. She turned to look back at Deathwing and blinked warmly. "You know, you make it sound easy." she said playfully.

[.:Lion:.]

Deathwing shrugged.

"Ah, but what are words? Words make everything sound easy. It's the action that is difficult." He said.

"But in the end, it's worth it, don't you think? You can either speak your mind or wonder what would have happened if you had. I prefer to keep my mind clear of 'what ifs' whenever possible." Deathwing grinned and tipped his head to the side slightly in a friendly sort of gesture.

[Magicheart]

"Hmm..." Wildfire stopped a moment and glanced at Deathwing. He had a very good point, but could she change? "That's another problem with change. Everyone always they can do it immediately...it's gradual though, which can make it hard to give yourself progress and stay motivated." The young she-cat was startled by her own words. Where was this coming from? Why did she feel the need to be so honest with Deathwing? She started walking again and picked up the pace a little bit without noticing.

[.:Lion:.]

Deathwing elongated his stride to keep up with Wildfire. A small smile played at the edge of his lips. He thought that she must be moving faster almost unconsciously, for if she had been conscious of it she wouldn't have looked quite so engrossed in her own thought.

"Motivation is key even when change has been made," he meowed, "One can never give up on progress and work after one has achieved a goal. You must continue the good fight, no matter what exhaustion you may feel. No amount of change can be made easily." He said.

[Magicheart]

"Did you ever think about being a medicine cat?" Wildfire asked, a small grin curling the corners of her mouth. "You seem to have the patience and wisdom for it." Wildfire panted. I sure as Starclan don't!

[.:Lion:.]

A look of sadness passed over Deathwing's face.

"The patience, maybe. But not the pedigree." He meowed, looking out at the moorlands around him with a sad look on his face. "Sometimes effort is all in vain. Sometimes... dreams just aren't meant to be a reality." He said quietly. It was true that at one time, he had wanted to be a medicine cat. It had been when he was a kit, living in the medicine cat's den, fascinated by the lifestyle that he'd known for almost his whole life. But no cat would accept him as medicine cat. His parents could have been rouges, for all his Clanmates knew. He just hadn't been given the right circumstances, he supposed. As an apprentice, Deathwing had severely questioned StarClan's existence, bitter for the silence they showed on the subject of his being apprenticed as a medicine cat. But he had grown to forgive and move on.

[Magicheart]

Wildfire angled her head, confused. She hadn't meant to make the tom sad, and felt awkward when she saw the energy seemingly leave him, his eyes growing dull with memories. She shrugged, "you know, if you really wanted to be a medicine cat, you probably could. It's never too late. I once heard that a Riverclan warrior named Mudclaw became a medicine cat after he lost his mate and didn't want to risk fighting. He wanted to stay alive to raise his daughter...maybe it wasn't your time...or maybe, you could always still help in the medicine den. I'm sure our medicine cat would love an eager warrior to help. Apprentices always seem to resent the job of collecting herbs. Regardless of your position in the clan, no one can keep you from learning, and no one would be disappointed with the contribution, I am sure."

Wildfire remembered her apprentice days when she hadn't wanted to collect herbs, but she always ended up having fun, exploring parts of the territory she usually didn't go to. The she-cat was slightly unnerved...it seemed as though she sensed something greater in Deathwing than he did himself, something different from her clanmates. Do I have feelings for him? she wondered. An image of Northstar formed in her mind, and she suddenly felt as though her stomach dropped out through her fur. She shook her head to clear it. Whatever. She thought, dismissing any notions of tom cats for the time being.